Living with Suicidal Thoughts

More than three times as many people take their own lives each year than die in traffic accidents.  However, many more are thinking about ending their lives, often without anybody else knowing what is on their mind.

Taboos around Suicide
Suicide can be a divisive subject with views on those who take their own lives ranging from courageous to cowardly.  Healthcare professionals also have mixed responses to those attempting suicide who end up needing hospital treatment.  

The impact of this single event spreads throughout families and friends causing feelings of anger, sadness and guilt.  It can also be passed down through the generations creating vulnerability among descendants to consider ending their own lives. 

Against this volatile and unpredictable background it can be very hard to express our own feelings about wanting to bring our personal suffering to an end.

The Absence of Hope
Lack of hope is often described as the tipping point for suicide.  As any hope for a change begins to fade the pain of daily life can become overwhelming.  While some people stay alive through consideration of the impact their death might have on those they love, others believe they are becoming a burden and that those closest to them would be better off without them.

Thought to Action
For some people it is important to have decided exactly how they might end their lives, even if it is an option they may never take.  It seems that having an escape route in place makes their pain and struggle easier to bear.  

What makes taking our own lives change from being a possibility to becoming a certainty?  Perhaps for some this is the inevitable final destination of a solitary journey thoughtfully planned out, while for others it is a decision rooted in a broader intention yet made in a moment as the opportunity presents itself.  In either case could a kind word from a loved one, or even a stranger, have changed their course long enough for a different outcome to be considered?

Solitary Journey
Stories abound from people close to those who have taken their own lives who say they did not realise that anything was wrong, or at least not more wrong than usual.  Perhaps this illustrates how we become accustomed to the moods of those around us without appreciating the subtle changes that may be occurring.  We may accept another’s behaviour as being normal for them, even as any positive thoughts and feelings they have for the future start to ebb away.

As each experience is unique there may be few external signs that hope is fading.  Your brain may be whirring in a way that feels scarily out of control or you might be prey to the darkness of low moods when thoughts move sluggish and slow.  Both can create a sense of dislocation and a growing sense that we inhabit our own private world of pain and despair.  

Some of us feel we have become invisible to those around us as they do not see what we are really going through and we are unable to tell them.  We may feel that such a tenuous connection to the world can easily be broken and we will be lost.

Turning Away 
This growing sense of isolation may be the turning point that gives others a clue as to what is happening.  When people turn away from their friends or family, seem to lose interest in the world around them or appear to disengage from regular interactions with others they might be starting down a route that could lead to them taking their own life.  

Breaking the Silence
If you are having thoughts about taking your own life it is important to find someone to tell.  Talking to someone can break that sense of isolation and speaking your thoughts aloud can start to challenge the mindset that nobody really cares about you.  

Believing there is nobody you can to talk to might be part of why you feel the way that you do.   If there is not someone in your immediate circle you feel able to approach there is your GP Surgery and many local groups and organisations who can offer confidential support.  Having that first conversation can make a significant difference to how you feel.

If you have noticed a change in someone it may be that their thoughts have turned a corner and they are heading down the final stretch.   Do not be afraid that you will make it worse as there is no evidence to suggest that this will happen.  You do not need to have the answers to their problems, you are simply showing someone that you care enough about them to want to help.  

Ask them how they are and explain why you are asking.  You may have to ask more than once as our first defence is often to brush others off by saying we are fine.  Then try to listen without judgement to their story.  You may then be able to help them find people and organisations they can contact for further support.  Once you have had that first conversation it can be helpful to follow it up to see how they are getting on.

Reaching out may be enough to hold us until the storm subsides or we are able to find a firmer footing from which to see the world in a more positive way.

If you or someone you know, are feeling vulnerable or alone for whatever reason you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

© 2018 Michael Golding